Aaand so ‘SOPHIE WATCHES’ continues. If you caught the last one, then you know what to expect. The premise is: I watch a film and text my friend with my reactions. Sometimes she replies. Sometimes she has already seen the film and we discuss it a bit more in-depth. Her text is in blue. The time-stamps reflect the time at which the messages were sent, not where in the film’s runtime the scene occurs.
This time around, said friend, Kat, encouraged me to watch this particular film. And that film was Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (1987)! Watch out for spoilers!
22:52 Your favourite Superman films are on NowTV
22:55 Put Superman IV on. Do it
22:56 I’ll see how long I can last
22:57 Superman vs Nuclear Man!
22:58 Oh God
I’m already crying
At how the titles fly over the film
22:59 But with the blue and red trails. So ugly
What’s fun about that film is when they try to pass off bits of Milton Keynes as Metropolis
Or Essex countryside as Kansas
Yes! That’s what I’m looking forward to seeing
23:00 omg music by John Williams
To be fair I cannot fault the music. The music is not the problem with that film
Not if John Williams is involved
23:01 This astronaut is hardly smaller than his space station
Oh now he flying through space
It’s all gone so wrong
23:02 Superman’s crotch!
How does Superman brake in space? Or turn?
23:03 I … wouldn’t spend any length of time worrying about that
the sky is so grey haha
23:06 tbf Christopher Reeve was perfect for this role
He hit a baseball into outer space
23:09 omg it’s Jon Cryer
23:12 Hey, Superman just came out of that phone booth that Clark Kent walked into!
23:13 Lois just keeps speaking French
23:15 Jimmy has definitely improved
23:16 Why is a schoolteacher asking a bunch of kids what they should do about the nuclear crisis?
23:17 That’s not Superman’s hair, that’s a wire
Lex Luthor is wearing a SnapBack and a Letterman jacket. THE EIGHTIES
23:22 The shoulder pads in this woman’s coat makes it look like she’s still wearing the hanger inside it
23:24 Now a bunch of old white men are telling Superman to let Earth nuke itself
Sounds like the eighties
23:26 Lois thought Clark was committing suicide because he decided to throw her off a rooftop with himself
23:27 Yay, I saw their flying wires
23:29 “Never set one of them above the rest. Love all of humanity instead” – Finch in Person of Interest basically taught The Machine the same thing
Lois has some memory issues
23:31 Christopher Reeve was so good
23:36 Christopher Reeve is so perfect as Superman
All parts of Superman
He’s an excellent Clark as well
He’s the best part of all of those films
23:41 Yeah he was perfect for both characters
the best thing ever is happening
HE IS CATCHING ALL THE NUCLEAR WARHEADS
This is the greatest film still I have ever witnessed. I want it framed on my wall
23:44 I’m really alarmed by how many nuclear warheads everyone on Earth has apparently been firing, considering how many are in that net
You’d think after the first 5 or so were stopped, they’d have given up sending any more off
In fact …
Are there even that many nuclear warheads on Earth?
It’s a lot. It must have been very expensive to fire them all
23:45 Now he is swinging the net
He flung it into the sun
That’s what the characters in Sunshine were trying to do
It took 2 seconds to reach the sun
In Sunshine they were on their spaceship for years
23:48 I can’t deal with these villains
I can’t deal with Jon Cryer and Gene Hackman carrying out mad science to create a Nuclear Man
23:50 Yeah … it’s really bad
23:52 Lex Luthor was looking through a small window, then he was handed binoculars and looked through them and I swear the view was the same. It didn’t focus at all
Omg a nuclear foetus came flying out of the sun
Grew into a man in outer space
And somehow knows it is supposed to go to Earth and find Superman?
23:54 MEANWHILE CLARK KENT IS AT AEROBICS CLASS
how did he throw his back out???
23:56 This guy’s shorts are so short
He just said “over here, Clarkey”
23:58 Why is his belt so big?
why does he even have a belt?
HE JUST THREW SOME FREE WEIGHTS AT CLARK, SAID “NO PAIN, NO GAIN”, AND LEFT
worst trainer ever
00:00 Clark looks cute in his Adidas sweats but why does he have a towel tucked into his collar?
Clark threw the weights back at the trainer
“Um … No pain, no gain?”
00:03 He deserved it
I have to sleep. I can’t take any more of these villains
Nuclear Man has arrived!
00:04 Lex Luthor is using him as a lighter for his cigar
00:05 I’m going to bed!
Finish it in the morning
I’ll see how much I hate myself when I wake up
THE NEXT DAY
15:52 I could not finish Superman IV this morning
15:53 So far it was … Interesting
I could actually see what it was trying to do
I think it helped that Christopher Reeve was partly responsible for the story
He obviously understood what the character means
15:54 I was about to say – he wanted to make it more about nuclear disarmament
That’s definitely noticeable
15:58 Did you see the budget?
16:00 Look …
That’s no excuse lol
The Terminator was made for less than that
With some amazing guerrilla filmmaking techniques
16:02 Originally it was $24 million
Ok that sucks, if they were constantly cutting corners on a tight deadline
16:03 So far I still haven’t seen anything that makes me think Superman IV is truly terrible
The villains are godawful
But so many movie villains are
The story is cheesy
But it’s a comic book character so anything goes
16:04 Yeah but you only got about halfway
Christopher Reeve is great, and the two actresses are doing a fairly decent job with the rubbish material lol
They literally forgot that humans can’t breathe in space
And try to pass off the Argos headquarters as a fancy hotel
Well now you got me
THE DAY AFTER THAT
20:46 I think it’s time for me to finish your favourite film
Nuclear Man has quite the ego
He made Jon Cryer break dance but the frame rate was so off, it felt like stop motion
Also Jon Cryer’s surname describes me whenever I have to watch these scenes with the villains
20:51 Nuclear Man just … switched off
Luthor reflected sunlight from his ring back on to him. It’s so weird
Lacy: I’ve never been on a double date before. How do I look?
I don’t even understand why they’re hanging out together. What is this plot line?
That is one lush penthouse suite
I don’t understand what’s going on
20:55 “Have you had any trouble confiscating the missiles?” NOPE, PUTTING THEM ALL IN A BIG NET WAS VERY EASY
Why is he going on a date with Lacy and having an interview as Superman with Lois at the same time? How did he get into this mess?
20:57 “How can one man be so square and so delicious?”
Christopher Reeve was so great at playing clumsy Clark
I love him
20:58 This scene is so playful
He keeps disappearing and returning
He just changed in the background of a shot whilst the two women were chatting
21:01 Why does Nuclear Man have talons?
In fact … How did he get talons?
21:02 Luthor put his shoes up on the sofa. That is JUST NOT RIGHT
Nuclear Man wants to have ‘fun’ first before he destroys Superman
21:03 Blimey, they got into outer space quickly
21:04 Superman just pushed him lol. In space
Omg they’re on the Great Wall of China
And Nuclear Man blew it up
Superman can rebuild walls just by looking at them?!?!?
Kara needs to learn that skill
21:06 They’re doing synchronised flying like it’s an Olympic event
The SFX on this are g r e a t
21:07 Superman is now an ice block floating through space
He is so cute, speaking all these different languages
21:11 I love that Nuclear Man just growls angrily a lot
21:12 Oh wow, Superman just made the most pathetic whimper
21:13 Hooray, Lacy just told her dad to “stuff it”
21:14 Awww Superman is wrapped in a blanket in front of the fire
Lois broke into his flat by wiggling a credit card
21:17 I realised one of these villainous businessmen is Jim Broadbent
21:18 WTF HOW DID SUPERMAN BECOME AN OLD MAN?
21:20 Now he’s back to normal again after hugging some Kryptonite
I don’t understand
21:21 Milton Keynes looks so g r e a t
21:22 Nuclear Man! Foiled by an elevator!
21:24 I love that this fight scene on The Moon is so visibly on a soundstage and lit by studio lights
21:26 Lol the practical effects actually aren’t terrible
I swear this soundtrack just started to sound like the theme for The Great Escape
21:27 Lacy is arguing for the ethics of responsible journalism
It’s very important that the US flag gets replanted on The Moon
SUPERMAN IS MOVING THE MOON
HE’S MOVING THE MOON TO BLOCK THE SUN AND WEAKEN NUCLEAR MAN
That’s not sensible, Superman!
21:29 Lacy is doing just fine breathing in outer space
21:30 And thus the electrical grid had a mega energy burst to last for days!
21:31 What was the point in this storyline about The Daily Planet being taken over by some corporate hack?
Omg Clark looks gorgeous in a tan trench coat and black trilby hat
21:35 Superman took Jon Cryer to a correctional boys’ school
21:36 It’s over!
It wasn’t as awful as I expected
I was busy but your messages make it sound as bad as I remember